I have been feeling the desire to blog for a while now. Something has held me back , whether it's being too busy, perfectionism, or just not feeling "ready"! I may not be ready, but I'm jumping in anyway! What better way to learn, than to try! I have to start somewhere after all, and hopefully this will become something that I can share my healing experiences being on this spiritual path that may help you or inspire you to share yours! We are all here on a soul mission I believe, and I'm feeling the need to express my spiritual insights , mistakes, and all the good, bad and in between that comes with being a human on planet Earth! I'm not quite sure where this blog will take me or who will even be interested in reading it, ( I'm already boring myself) We can be our own worst critics! The grammar, well, please be kind, because although I was a literature major way back when, I switched to nursing and my skills are very dull! My creative brain , however is totally intact and ready to let my freak flag fly! ( Song I'm working on actually ) , The song is about expressing your true self and coming out of your shell. I am turning 50 and in a place of not giving a **** what people think anymore. This is liberating for me having come from a very conservative family(think Irish Catholic Boston) Oh the guilt! Thank God I'm ok with living in purgatory!! I need to give up trying to people please since I've obviously not succeeded anyhow! I tell my family "I'm from another planet" and they laugh, but I do feel misunderstood. Why fight the current? I'm not a salmon, I dont need to swim upstream anymore, its exhausting! I need to be just me, how I am in all my imperfection and authenticity now! I am ready for this shift! I'm ready to let my Freak Flag Fly, Fly it up high! (song verse). I guess I should finish this song, maybe that will help! I have tons of song ideas that need to be completed! So this blog, again, is an attempt to feed my muse, stir the pot, stoke the creative fires and just get juicy! Get it flowing! I do believe the creative process is about simply creating, not judging. Through all the rubble, there will be a gem to be found! Maybe the rubble needs to be created to get to the gem! Oh, that was not a good example at all, but I knew what I meant! I am letting it fly, no editing, grammar check and I know I am all over the place! This inner muse is like an over excited child that cant wait to go out and play! She is running all over the place not knowing which direction to go in , what to wear or even how to start! GO! The time is now! It is here! I may not be ready or able , but I am willing! I am willing to embarrass myself, to put myself out there, probably piss a lot of people off, maybe help some too I hope! My inner pixie has been held back for too long and she is so ready to play, to create some trouble and to create beautiful magic! I always tell people I am half pixie and I feel this! I am a wise ass at times, but never ever want to cause harm! I joke I need balance from doing spiritual healing work all day, I need to let the F-bombs fly to help me release stress and feel balanced. Good excuse, right? Are parenthesis even ok grammatically in a blog? Oh God, I am so rusty with this! No parenthesis because I need to look that up! My client cancelled and I came here to check my web email (which I dont do often) and I saw this create a blog button! Yay! I have officially started! I am hoping to share, create and mostly inspire myself to complete these songs, ideas, music, and stories in my head! So, it is my hope to just move forward, to inspire, share, teach, learn, grow, and harmonize all these words bouncing around in my brain like a never ending ping pong ball game! Here I go! Wish me luck! What can you start today that you have always wanted to? Let your freak flag fly high! There is no such thing as "normal"! I think there are only conditioned responses, expectations and harsh judgements that keep us from living our true authentic life path! We are disillusioned as a society thinking we have to conform, fit it and live the 'status-quo"! Who created this illusion? I'm not buying into it anymore! Screw that! I am going to live my own, authentic, free and wild life as I see fit! Judgement is an illusion too. I recently woke up from a 50 year coma of false belief systems, illusions and ridiculous judgements that I believed for way too long! Turns out, they are not even mine, and definitely are not true! I have judged myself so harshly, living up to an expectation to please others that I never could meet! I had an "ah-ha" moment recently driving, and I realized (would it be appropriate to say that I actualized here?) Anyhow, I knew suddenly that all my years of regrets, guilt and shame were a lie! A big booming voice in my head said " its all a lie!" YOU are here to learn, grow and be imperfect! It is why your soul is here! If you were meant to be perfect you would be enlightened and be on the other side! DER!! YES!! I know we live in polarity and duality, I already knew this , but like I said, now I KNOW it! I felt it as a truth resonating in every cell, I actually got goose bumps! I felt almost giddy and silly at the simple but profound truth of this! I'm not sure what made me all of a sudden "get it", but, I'm glad because it allowed me to exhale, to let go finally! I have made a lot of mistakes and chosen some hard paths to take, but I also realized that this is all meant to be! What if it is all meant to be , if it is all ok? Can you give yourself permission to be ok with all your transgressions? It makes us who we are! I have done a lot of self healing and have a lot of learned experiences to share and hopefully help others! This is a gift, not a curse! I am however, ready for more grace, ease and blessings in my life in all ways! I am putting down the heavy burden I have been carrying so that I can stand up tall and allow more joy! Yay me!
Until we meet again, let it go! Let your freak flag fly! Forgive yourself! Put down the heavy burden and smell the flowers! Au Revoir until we meet again!