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Autumn's Reverence
​October 10th, 2019
Autumn is my favorite season , I adore it. It feels like the New Year to me. 
  I love the fall, it regenerates me, makes me feel whole again! The fall as a child always represented a new beginning, going back to school and gave every student the chance to re-invent themselves! Who do you want to be this fall? Me, I am really feeling the need to simplify, pull in, pull back and just chill! I have been through so many life changes the past few years that it has shook me to the core! The Universe shook me until I let go of everything! I turned 50 last year and I like to call this period in my life a "mid-life transformation"! Autumn feels much more significant for me as I have become more keenly aware of my life, where I'm headed and where I've been.  
   Autumn is magical. The leaves twirling remind me of Disney's Merlin with Mickey Mouse and his magic hat conjuring magic and the leaves are wildly blowing!  I can imagine the fairies dancing around helping the flowers prepare for winter! Mother Earth is alive and powerful! She has all the knowledge and answers! I can feel the magic in my skin! It is the perfect temperature during the day warm and sunny but not hot, and the evenings cool and chilly.  The cold blasts in with a chill and force that has the animals scurrying to prepare for the cold. The  flowers are holding on and blossoming under the warm sun but their edges are browning as chill takes a bite. You can feel the shift, it is palpable! The leaves, oh so glorious! They go out with a dazzling display reminding us of the beauty of the seasons and how to surrender and let nature take it's course. It makes me feel alive as things start to wither around me. I recognize starkly life and death and the seasons of our lives. It is an endless cycle of birth and death. Nature displays natural order and divine intelligence . We must take time to look, listen and feel! It is visually so apparent. We can learn so much from nature when we pay attention! The tree that sheds it's leaves does not fear letting them go! To me, it seems like the trees must enjoy it! They represent the  quintessential  New England Autumn! Driving up North you may see the visual display of nature upon the majestic  mountains! The Mountains are on fire with red, brown ,gold, orange, purple and yellow leaves! The leaves may be losing sunlight and falling into the earth, but they are on a mission to make sacred fertilizer for the spring seedlings! The trees are not afraid to be naked in the cold! They stand tall baring their bare branches to all! It is all so representative of life, death and renewal.  Personally to me, it represents being present, grateful and aware of my choices. Autumn means letting go of all thoughts, emotions and energies that no longer serve me. And to do this, I must surrender to my higher power, my God, my soul,  my divine team and my highest intentions.  It's almost like when fall hits, I am set right again. Summer has me off on a tangent of absorbing as much warmth, fun and sunlight as possible! I am still hoping to jump in the ocean again this season (it is now mid-October). I remember one year it was 80 degrees and I was swimming in the ocean in November! You never know , this is New England!  
  The summer is full of light, warmth, overdoing, and blossoming brightly like a flower! But all flowers must turn to seedling and shed their blossoms. So do too I, drop my leaves and flowers and fall into the Earth to become sacred soil for the birth of my dreams. I will retreat into the comfort of my comforter, pull my flowers inside and re-pot what I can and release the rest. I will put away my summer clothes with reverence giving thanks for the summer time fun. With ritual, magic and prayer I will burn sage, light a candle, and call in my dreams, consciously letting go and clearing my home, my energies and my heart. I will surrender, allow, retreat into simplicity and the starkness of winter as the cold nibbles at my fingers and toes. I will bundle up in layers and snuggle close to my loved ones by the fire. I will revel in the hot soups and lit candles and appreciate life in all its stages. I have appreciation for all the seasons in nature and in my life . I am grateful as I've gotten older that I have learned to go with the flow of my life a little bit more. Connecting to the energies of the seasons, and allowing yourself to become reverent of your life and its season's brings meaning and peace, I find. 
  Autumn is celebrated in many cultures, but one of the most ancient is Paganism. They honored the Earth and seasonal cycles this season with festivals to celebrate the end of the harvest season, and the coming of the light and winter. Samhain is celebrated Oct 31st- November 1st . It is when the "veil" between the worlds thins, and we call in spirit and light the fires to sustain our souls through the long winter. Seeking light and warmth from all we can, to carry us through the cold! We come together in celebration of life and honor the cycles with ritual, magic and reverence.  Autumn is blessing you with magic! Create space to receive these spiritual gifts by cleansing and clearing your home and body with sage. It is about intention. Call upon your divine team to bring you all support, clarity, healing and protection now! Open to receive the season's bounty in your life with gratitude! There is so much to be grateful for! This season is ripe with the potential of planting the seeds of your dreams , so prepare the soil! Like the seasons, our bodies and manifestations have seasons of gestation. Embrace and allow yourself to receive the beauty of the season! Get into nature and allow her to heal your mind, body, heart and soul. Lay your worries down and take time to rest and restore and you will be renewed in the spring! Surrender to the cold, the things you cannot change. Grieve the past, but lay it down to rest, for everything has it's season. The warmth and sun will rise again, the flowers and trees will blossom and so shall you. Seasons of time may not be changed or controlled, but when you allow and honor the changes , you become part of the whole and life may become much more graceful. 

Divine musings
Inspirations, dreams, miracles and lessons.


​1/30/19



Blog Post Transparency, vulnerability and song writing       
​
I wrote a song a few years ago called Sheer and the chorus goes like this: "Sheer like transparency, shine a light you can see right through me, Sheer transparency, don't you know I wear my heart on my sleeve." It's interesting how songs can have deeper meanings years later as you uncover and heal deeper parts of yourself. I wrote this song over 15 years ago, but recently realized it was about me always feeling the need to please people, or project some image expected of me. The song is still a little elusive (ironic since its about being transparent), but I do like to be complicated! Another part of the chorus is "Mirror mirror upon the wall, do you like what your looking for, your vision has forsaken me" Crazy, I write these things and then have to figure out what the song is trying to say to me! Sometimes songs come fully written and downloaded into my brain on a subconscious level, (meaning I dont analyze and think , it comes fully completed).  In my creative zeal, I just let it flow as I feel each song has a life of its own and something to share with me! I have this idea that songs are like clouds floating in the sky and its up to me to catch the idea and create it or it will float off to someone else! I am part of the process, yes, but very much on a deep and creative level as opposed to a more analytical and thinking level. Song writing and performing make me feel very naked, exposed and vulnerable. Who wants to hear what I have to say anyways? Then there's that, the insecurity! I recently joined a chorus for practice purposes and am so happy with the joy singing in a group has brought me! Singing in a group is wonderful, it brings back all my fond memories of school band. Yes, I am still a total band geek (though we never went to band camp, we did go to California.

   As a musician my whole life you think I would get over the insecurity, but it is something many artists experience. ( I have many amazingly talented musician friends who still struggle with self worth and stage fright). At least, I'm not alone here! I played saxophone all through grade school and up until I was 30ish. In my 20's I sang in a cover band and played sax. For some reason singing cover songs and performing with a full band was very comfortable for me. When I realized I am a singer songwriter in my late 20's and that the saxophone wasn't an ideal instrument for this, I started to learn guitar, and still am learning!
    I taught myself the basics to be able to write the songs and lyrics in my head. I am still learning to play better these days and would like to find more time to practice and perform. It may be my stage fright that holds me back. It's pretty intimidating to write and perform your own songs! Cover songs are easy you can imitate the artist, but when performing your own original work, it feels like I'm handing my soul to the audience on a silver platter! I have been kind of stuck musically for a while now and I'm not sure why. I know I need to make more time to practice for sure! I should push myself to perform more, get out of my comfort zone. I have so many amazing musician friends that support and encourage me. The musical community on the South Shore is amazing, you could go to an open mic every night (maybe 2 or 3)! The opportunities are endless! I do struggle with getting out there, partially because I am tired alot from the chronic lyme disease and partially because I am stuck musically. I have a ton (possibly hundreds)  of songs ready to be written, little snippets of choruses and melodies and ideas I've recorded on my phone. Everything is a song to me! Lyrics come easy to me as my brain is always seeking to explain and express itself! Painters, paint beauty on canvas and musicians record life with music! I like to think that musicians harmonize the vibrations of life! Meaning we take all experiences we witness and make it into something cathartic and somehow this hopefully shifts the experience into something greater.
     I turned 50 this year and am really trying to let my inhibitions go and allow my authentic self to be free. Sounds easier than it is! I have done a lot of self healing in my 25 years practicing Reiki and spirituality and am getting there.. It's not an easy task shedding years of society's, and family projections of who I'm supposed to be or not be! I am giving myself permission to be me!  I am forgiving myself and others for not knowing any better! I think my first blog last summer touched on this also. I am shedding all projections, expectations, judgements from self and others and allowing myself to just be me. Me is pretty cool. She is very open minded, creative, spiritual, loving and authentic. She can also be impatient, impulsive and a bit crazy at times! I accept all parts of me and have stopped trying so hard to please, to be good, to be perfect and so on. Within this acceptance of myself lies my vulnerability and strength. As I shed all the false projections, delusions and images of who I'm not, there I stand naked and alone. Wow, it's scary to let your guard down and be honest with yourself and others. This has taken me a lifetime and I'm only on the threshold of it! So Cheers to being vulnerable and open! I am stepping out of the closet so to speak. Not sexually, but creatively and spiritually! This may scare others who've known me as the old me. I'm not trying to be radical here, only authentic! I just want to be able to wear, say, perform and be who I want to! We all should do this! I have a lot to say and I'm honestly a little afraid of being fully transparent. But, I am courageous and will do it anyways, because I know it is necessary for me to be the artist, healer, minister, and author I wish to be! I feel a little sad it has taken me this long to let myself be me but I was busy being a mom and learning and growing. I think I have a lot of earned wisdom to share! I've made a lot of mistakes and learned from them! My spiritual path has brought me so many blessings, miracles and magic and my heart is full of love and hope to share! 
  The younger me was waiting for my life to be in better order, for me to be more "perfect" and just to get my act together! The 50 year old wiser woman is still wanting to get her act together, but is moving forward anyhow. I am willing to expose my insecurities, fears, failures and my learned wisdom, lessons and my abundant creativity. A friend said to me recently after reading my last blog post, " I was surprised you shared so much personal information with your clients" . I really appreciated her feedback and its worthy of noting here. I think especially in spiritual circles where there can be a "guru mentality" to power over instead of personal power. I feel my strength is in my truth and vulnerability. Sometimes I see the look of concern or surprise on my clients face when I share a lesson or experience I have gone through. I share personal information in sessions when I feel its helpful to the client, not to bring attention to me. I try to empower my clients by giving them tools they can use to heal themselves!
  Strength is in being vulnerable I feel.   Truth is scary but so liberating! I am stepping out of the spiritual closet in my personal, professional and musical life and it feels like freedom! I am excited about all the things I can create as I allow all parts of me to create this new way of living!      
FREAK FLAG 

(Song I wrote still needs music)

I’m coming out of the closet
Not the one you think
Don’t be afraid
Open your heart and mind
The truth isn’t hard to find
I’m going to let my freak flag high
Gonna fly it up high
See how you like me now
Leaving behind all I thought I was 
To be the me that was hiding 
To scared to show her face
You always said I was weird
So now I’m gonna prove you right!
I’m a freakish delight
Gonna shine a bright light
Show you the way 
Inhibitions cast free
Here’s the real me
I don’t give a crap anymore
Must be because I’m old
I don’t want to hurt you
But I just can’t believe
All the lies I’ve been told
I’m gonna let my freak flag high
Rainbow in the sky
Stepping out of this prison
I put myself in
Gonna let my inhibitions go
You never did know
Who this girl really was 
Now she is free
It’s not about sexuality
Relax your evil eye
It’s not about religion
Or the sins of man
This world is a kaleidoscope 
And I am a seer
I see in living color
There’s nothing to fear! 
All the paths lead home
All souls are the same color
Let your freak flag fly
Fly it up high
Unicorns, rainbows and magic
It’s the only way to be
Cast away your persecutions
And look in the mirror
Nothing is black and white
That’s artistic execution
It’s a big beautiful world 
So many ways to be
Limitless possibilities 
Set your mind free
Loose your cranky lies
See through the illusion 
Of all that they tell you
Untruths and contusion
Let your freak flag fly
Set your spirit free
Let’s take a ride 
Come along with me



​
​   

Loving guidance from a broken toy compass.

1/23/2019

9 Comments

 

   I have been feeling stuck for a good while now. It hasn't been fun. I am going through a lot of life changes and transitions which are challenging and tiring! Processing big life changes can be overwhelming! I'm not looking to delve too deep into personal matters here, to respect my family's privacy but you can say I've definitely been going through a growth spurt. With all these life changes (marital separation, family changes and two residential moves in one year), you could say I've felt a little bit unfocused to say the least! Thankfully, I have an abundance of tools in my belt, and a great spiritual support system that I rely on regularly. I also am blessed with wonderful friends that support, encourage and love me in all my uniqueness! 
    I have been praying for answers for a good year now about life changes, knowing there is a new exciting path ahead, but not knowing where it is or how to get there. I feel like I've been on "pause" , in the void, in waiting, all of the above! I have prayed on my knees, crying, asking God and my angels to show me how, when, why and what to do! I got amazing signs that will be shared soon that inspired me, uplifted me and strengthened my faith immensely, but still no direction!
   This summer I was feeling particularly lost one day and down emotionally and I gave  a heart felt surrender to God and said "please show me which direction to go in, I've lost my way" I had a good cry, and then I went to the beach to relax and clear my energies. I was wading upon the shore line in deep refection and reverence of the beauty around me. I then noticed something hot pink bopping upon the waves about 5 feet out in front of me. Naturally, being the environmentally conscious individual that i am, I retrieved it from the ocean! To my surprise it was a hot pink plastic toy compass! It was a clip on (kind of like a carabiner). OMG!! REALLY? I was thrilled , this was a sign! I was amazed at the instant answer from my prayer! Wow! I now had a magical compass to guide me! After I got over the magic and wonder of this sign from above, I noticed that it was broken! The compass only worked sometimes! What kind of a sign is this I thought? Am I broken? Is there no hope for me? At first I was distraught and then I laughed realizing it is a toy compass and I was being guided to not worry and let loose, have fun! This was a perfect message for me!
    To go back a bit and explain my state of emotion, last summer my business slowed down and I became anxious and worried about money. I was stressing, fretting, trying to brainstorm and come up with ideas, classes, any and everything to make money. Nothing took, it was like my business ghosted me! I was also newly separated and re-inventing myself, feeling unsure and scared about my future.
  I had an epiphany that day on the beach holding that hot pink plastic broken toy compass! Its like something clicked in my brain and my inner child took over and said "its play time"! The Universe was giving me a vacation! This wasn't punishment after all! I was supposed to be relaxing, swimming, sunning and resting! When I had this conscious shift, I realized I had enough funds to survive the summer as I had prepaid my rent the previous winter. I had enough money for food and whatever I needed with the business that was still flowing. So then and there upon the beach, I decided I was on vacation! How empowering to switch from feeling unsuccessful to empowered! A fresh outlook and shift in perspective set me straight! I would choose to embrace my time off, enjoy live music and friends and heal the parts of me that needed love. I felt intuitively that God wanted me to process all the emotional changes in my life, take a break, a time out to heal and rest. When was my last real vacation? Over a year ago anyways , so I was due!
   I gave myself permission to put all my concerns on the back burner at least for the summer or until I had clarity . I gave myself permission to not try to decide where I would be living in the near future, or worrying if my son was going to return to college or stay with me. We had been living in a very tiny cottage on Duxbury Bay. It was a magical retreat but not meant for two people! This close proximity to each other was actually a blessing and a bonding experience for us both. Noah was healing through some issues and I was too, and we were as a family. 
  I finally surrendered to this too, that its okay to live in a small space temporarily if necessary. All our basic needs were met for safety, food and comfort. It was just a tiny space (one big room) and a private bathroom. Noah was always thoughtful and respectful when I needed to go to bed early. Him seeing me go through my challenges allowed him to grow I believe also. He is an amazing old and kind soul, but I had sheltered him from my emotions and making myself vulnerable and opening up to him, helped me and him and us! I think I had sheltered him for a long time! He is an adult now, almost 21! I learned its okay to be honest, open and vulnerable, even if I'm not right! I always question how much is okay to share as a parent, but there comes a point when you recognize your child as an adult and living in such small quarters everything became transparent! There was no hiding anything!
  Fast forward to now, we have since moved into an amazing apartment with plenty of room in a fabulous location for us both! We are loving it! I'm not sure if I had been actually stuck or waiting for something to shift, or if I was finally maybe ready to shift? It felt like I had been waiting for something for 6 months! It did help when Noah made some decisions about his living situation preferences and he decided to take some time off from college. This allowed me to move forward, and the Universe, God , the Angels and all divine assistance conspired to help me! So many magical and serendipitous things happened to amaze me! It was like the Universe gave me a green light, a thumbs up and miracles came my way! I had been living in a furnished apartment for a year as I was starting over in all ways ! I had no furniture or appliances! I had my musical instruments, my clothes and my favorite pans and plants and some sentimental items. I found this amazing apartment and they wanted me to move in in two weeks! How was I going to pull this off during Christmas time (which is super busy at my office), and come up with a good lump sum of money, and furnish a whole house in two weeks? I have no idea! I think it's because I must be a tad bit crazy to think I could pull it off! My friends rushed to my side, offering furniture, appliances, and new gifts! I am so blessed! My friends supported me and encouraged me to go for it! It's like the the red carpet was laid out and I was shown how to receive! It was kind of humbling for me to need everything and feel so vulnerable! My friends showered me with love, telling me I give to others so often and it was my time to receive. Wow, I was and am so grateful! So filled with love and gratitude!      Finally the energy was shifting and I at least could ground in a home and start fresh! Going through a divorce is a grieving process, even when it's on good terms. I am also blessed that my ex husband and I have chosen to divorce with love. It is still hard though and I had an immense amount of grief to process and probably will for a while. 
   Here is where I am going with all of this, I recently had another break though when I realized I need to love everything more! I came into my office one morning, and looked around at all the plants that need to be re-potted, the carpet needs to be steam cleaned, the closets need to be cleaned and I need a total re-org of my whole image and website! Jeesh ,that's a lot of love to give! I had been neglecting me, and had been looking for a solution or a new way or a miracle, when the miracle is me! The miracle is the love I have for all the gifts I already have! I have all the tools I need ( especially my broken compass)! 
I now know I need to love myself more, my plants, my gifts, my weaknesses, my friends, my family, all of it! Seems so simple saying it now! It was an aha moment for me! I do need to purge old energies and things, declutter, re-organize and restructure my business to reflect my current self. I had been going along status quo, and my website and business plan no longer fits the new me! The new me who is ready to come out of the spiritual closet, and let her freak flag fly! The new me who does not need to try so hard, to control the outcome, or be perfect! This new me wants to accept all that is, and become gentler and recognizes that surrendering to receiving, waiting and a slower and gentler approach yields huge rewards and miracles! I am feeling refreshed and ready now to make new changes and am optimistic that I will be successful! 
  I can't seem to find that plastic toy compass, but I do have witnesses and a photo to share. Somehow, I think the compass found its way to a magical portal to go to someone else who needs to be directed to play! My inner compass has been strengthened and I can navigate from here! I am blessed and in gratitude! I live and love all that was and is now and look forward to more magic! Maybe the inner compass is mistakes, successes, worry, grief, and fears! Maybe the inner compass is my feelings and my thoughts! My inner compass has plenty of life experience to guide her! It was in me all along just as the Witch in the Wizard of Oz said! It may need a tune up, a time out in the future, but my inner compass is love and it is here to stay.

9 Comments
Dottie link
1/23/2019 01:28:07 pm

Love this and you!! Excited to share your journey via your blog!

Reply
Pixie Sista
1/24/2019 09:29:52 am

LOVE YOU

Reply
Casey Kerr
1/24/2019 09:18:53 am

Michelle Levangie Gilmore! Loved your blog! Perfect serendipity that I am having the same kind of awakening! Love your words & thoughts & your timing is perfect!
Sending you love!❤️😘😍🥰😜💋
Xoxoxo
Casey

Reply
Michelle
1/24/2019 09:29:16 am

Thanks Casey! Keep spreading your joy and light :)X

Reply
Elizabeth Tobin link
1/24/2019 09:19:17 am

The last couple of years were all about introspection and deep karmic healing as we prepared to Birth Our New I AM Presence at the end of 2018.

Collectively, we got rid of a lot of energetic baggage and cut a lot of energetic ties to past lives and societal and family patterns.
My guides would tell me, “If you’re treading water, you’re doing ok. This is not a time for making forward progress.”

The energy this year is so much different than last year and the year before. This year is about communication, creativity and progress.

Sounds like you are right on schedule with your clear insights, deeper self-love and restructuring your business. It’s time to broadcast your New I AM Presence to the world. Let your Freak Flag Fly siSTAR!

Reply
michelle
1/24/2019 09:28:34 am

Thanks LIz! You are spreading the light!! Yes, I feel the same last year was a total rebirth process and this year wlll be more graceful! xo

Reply
Mary
1/26/2019 05:34:27 am

This is beautiful Michelle! I am so glad your finally writing! Does this mean your mid life crisis if finally wrapping up? Lol I Love youand miss you , so glad you are doing this.

Reply
Fran Marci-Glenn link
1/26/2019 08:02:38 am

Interesting that your toy compass in the picture is perennially pointing to TRUE NORTH! It seems like you have found your way. Great story, Michelle!! I had a similar experience meditating on Green Harbor beach when I opened my eyes to see a coconut on the shoreline. Have you ever seen a coconut on any New England beach?. It was an affirmation for me because I had a lot of coconuts in my life at the time.

Reply
michelle
1/29/2019 12:10:43 pm

Wow a coconut?! Thats awesome! Thanks for the feedback!

Reply



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