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Autumn's Reverence
October 10th, 2019 Autumn is my favorite season , I adore it. It feels like the New Year to me. I love the fall, it regenerates me, makes me feel whole again! The fall as a child always represented a new beginning, going back to school and gave every student the chance to re-invent themselves! Who do you want to be this fall? Me, I am really feeling the need to simplify, pull in, pull back and just chill! I have been through so many life changes the past few years that it has shook me to the core! The Universe shook me until I let go of everything! I turned 50 last year and I like to call this period in my life a "mid-life transformation"! Autumn feels much more significant for me as I have become more keenly aware of my life, where I'm headed and where I've been. Autumn is magical. The leaves twirling remind me of Disney's Merlin with Mickey Mouse and his magic hat conjuring magic and the leaves are wildly blowing! I can imagine the fairies dancing around helping the flowers prepare for winter! Mother Earth is alive and powerful! She has all the knowledge and answers! I can feel the magic in my skin! It is the perfect temperature during the day warm and sunny but not hot, and the evenings cool and chilly. The cold blasts in with a chill and force that has the animals scurrying to prepare for the cold. The flowers are holding on and blossoming under the warm sun but their edges are browning as chill takes a bite. You can feel the shift, it is palpable! The leaves, oh so glorious! They go out with a dazzling display reminding us of the beauty of the seasons and how to surrender and let nature take it's course. It makes me feel alive as things start to wither around me. I recognize starkly life and death and the seasons of our lives. It is an endless cycle of birth and death. Nature displays natural order and divine intelligence . We must take time to look, listen and feel! It is visually so apparent. We can learn so much from nature when we pay attention! The tree that sheds it's leaves does not fear letting them go! To me, it seems like the trees must enjoy it! They represent the quintessential New England Autumn! Driving up North you may see the visual display of nature upon the majestic mountains! The Mountains are on fire with red, brown ,gold, orange, purple and yellow leaves! The leaves may be losing sunlight and falling into the earth, but they are on a mission to make sacred fertilizer for the spring seedlings! The trees are not afraid to be naked in the cold! They stand tall baring their bare branches to all! It is all so representative of life, death and renewal. Personally to me, it represents being present, grateful and aware of my choices. Autumn means letting go of all thoughts, emotions and energies that no longer serve me. And to do this, I must surrender to my higher power, my God, my soul, my divine team and my highest intentions. It's almost like when fall hits, I am set right again. Summer has me off on a tangent of absorbing as much warmth, fun and sunlight as possible! I am still hoping to jump in the ocean again this season (it is now mid-October). I remember one year it was 80 degrees and I was swimming in the ocean in November! You never know , this is New England! The summer is full of light, warmth, overdoing, and blossoming brightly like a flower! But all flowers must turn to seedling and shed their blossoms. So do too I, drop my leaves and flowers and fall into the Earth to become sacred soil for the birth of my dreams. I will retreat into the comfort of my comforter, pull my flowers inside and re-pot what I can and release the rest. I will put away my summer clothes with reverence giving thanks for the summer time fun. With ritual, magic and prayer I will burn sage, light a candle, and call in my dreams, consciously letting go and clearing my home, my energies and my heart. I will surrender, allow, retreat into simplicity and the starkness of winter as the cold nibbles at my fingers and toes. I will bundle up in layers and snuggle close to my loved ones by the fire. I will revel in the hot soups and lit candles and appreciate life in all its stages. I have appreciation for all the seasons in nature and in my life . I am grateful as I've gotten older that I have learned to go with the flow of my life a little bit more. Connecting to the energies of the seasons, and allowing yourself to become reverent of your life and its season's brings meaning and peace, I find. Autumn is celebrated in many cultures, but one of the most ancient is Paganism. They honored the Earth and seasonal cycles this season with festivals to celebrate the end of the harvest season, and the coming of the light and winter. Samhain is celebrated Oct 31st- November 1st . It is when the "veil" between the worlds thins, and we call in spirit and light the fires to sustain our souls through the long winter. Seeking light and warmth from all we can, to carry us through the cold! We come together in celebration of life and honor the cycles with ritual, magic and reverence. Autumn is blessing you with magic! Create space to receive these spiritual gifts by cleansing and clearing your home and body with sage. It is about intention. Call upon your divine team to bring you all support, clarity, healing and protection now! Open to receive the season's bounty in your life with gratitude! There is so much to be grateful for! This season is ripe with the potential of planting the seeds of your dreams , so prepare the soil! Like the seasons, our bodies and manifestations have seasons of gestation. Embrace and allow yourself to receive the beauty of the season! Get into nature and allow her to heal your mind, body, heart and soul. Lay your worries down and take time to rest and restore and you will be renewed in the spring! Surrender to the cold, the things you cannot change. Grieve the past, but lay it down to rest, for everything has it's season. The warmth and sun will rise again, the flowers and trees will blossom and so shall you. Seasons of time may not be changed or controlled, but when you allow and honor the changes , you become part of the whole and life may become much more graceful. |
Divine musings
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1/30/19
Blog Post Transparency, vulnerability and song writing
I wrote a song a few years ago called Sheer and the chorus goes like this: "Sheer like transparency, shine a light you can see right through me, Sheer transparency, don't you know I wear my heart on my sleeve." It's interesting how songs can have deeper meanings years later as you uncover and heal deeper parts of yourself. I wrote this song over 15 years ago, but recently realized it was about me always feeling the need to please people, or project some image expected of me. The song is still a little elusive (ironic since its about being transparent), but I do like to be complicated! Another part of the chorus is "Mirror mirror upon the wall, do you like what your looking for, your vision has forsaken me" Crazy, I write these things and then have to figure out what the song is trying to say to me! Sometimes songs come fully written and downloaded into my brain on a subconscious level, (meaning I dont analyze and think , it comes fully completed). In my creative zeal, I just let it flow as I feel each song has a life of its own and something to share with me! I have this idea that songs are like clouds floating in the sky and its up to me to catch the idea and create it or it will float off to someone else! I am part of the process, yes, but very much on a deep and creative level as opposed to a more analytical and thinking level. Song writing and performing make me feel very naked, exposed and vulnerable. Who wants to hear what I have to say anyways? Then there's that, the insecurity! I recently joined a chorus for practice purposes and am so happy with the joy singing in a group has brought me! Singing in a group is wonderful, it brings back all my fond memories of school band. Yes, I am still a total band geek (though we never went to band camp, we did go to California.
As a musician my whole life you think I would get over the insecurity, but it is something many artists experience. ( I have many amazingly talented musician friends who still struggle with self worth and stage fright). At least, I'm not alone here! I played saxophone all through grade school and up until I was 30ish. In my 20's I sang in a cover band and played sax. For some reason singing cover songs and performing with a full band was very comfortable for me. When I realized I am a singer songwriter in my late 20's and that the saxophone wasn't an ideal instrument for this, I started to learn guitar, and still am learning!
I taught myself the basics to be able to write the songs and lyrics in my head. I am still learning to play better these days and would like to find more time to practice and perform. It may be my stage fright that holds me back. It's pretty intimidating to write and perform your own songs! Cover songs are easy you can imitate the artist, but when performing your own original work, it feels like I'm handing my soul to the audience on a silver platter! I have been kind of stuck musically for a while now and I'm not sure why. I know I need to make more time to practice for sure! I should push myself to perform more, get out of my comfort zone. I have so many amazing musician friends that support and encourage me. The musical community on the South Shore is amazing, you could go to an open mic every night (maybe 2 or 3)! The opportunities are endless! I do struggle with getting out there, partially because I am tired alot from the chronic lyme disease and partially because I am stuck musically. I have a ton (possibly hundreds) of songs ready to be written, little snippets of choruses and melodies and ideas I've recorded on my phone. Everything is a song to me! Lyrics come easy to me as my brain is always seeking to explain and express itself! Painters, paint beauty on canvas and musicians record life with music! I like to think that musicians harmonize the vibrations of life! Meaning we take all experiences we witness and make it into something cathartic and somehow this hopefully shifts the experience into something greater.
I turned 50 this year and am really trying to let my inhibitions go and allow my authentic self to be free. Sounds easier than it is! I have done a lot of self healing in my 25 years practicing Reiki and spirituality and am getting there.. It's not an easy task shedding years of society's, and family projections of who I'm supposed to be or not be! I am giving myself permission to be me! I am forgiving myself and others for not knowing any better! I think my first blog last summer touched on this also. I am shedding all projections, expectations, judgements from self and others and allowing myself to just be me. Me is pretty cool. She is very open minded, creative, spiritual, loving and authentic. She can also be impatient, impulsive and a bit crazy at times! I accept all parts of me and have stopped trying so hard to please, to be good, to be perfect and so on. Within this acceptance of myself lies my vulnerability and strength. As I shed all the false projections, delusions and images of who I'm not, there I stand naked and alone. Wow, it's scary to let your guard down and be honest with yourself and others. This has taken me a lifetime and I'm only on the threshold of it! So Cheers to being vulnerable and open! I am stepping out of the closet so to speak. Not sexually, but creatively and spiritually! This may scare others who've known me as the old me. I'm not trying to be radical here, only authentic! I just want to be able to wear, say, perform and be who I want to! We all should do this! I have a lot to say and I'm honestly a little afraid of being fully transparent. But, I am courageous and will do it anyways, because I know it is necessary for me to be the artist, healer, minister, and author I wish to be! I feel a little sad it has taken me this long to let myself be me but I was busy being a mom and learning and growing. I think I have a lot of earned wisdom to share! I've made a lot of mistakes and learned from them! My spiritual path has brought me so many blessings, miracles and magic and my heart is full of love and hope to share!
The younger me was waiting for my life to be in better order, for me to be more "perfect" and just to get my act together! The 50 year old wiser woman is still wanting to get her act together, but is moving forward anyhow. I am willing to expose my insecurities, fears, failures and my learned wisdom, lessons and my abundant creativity. A friend said to me recently after reading my last blog post, " I was surprised you shared so much personal information with your clients" . I really appreciated her feedback and its worthy of noting here. I think especially in spiritual circles where there can be a "guru mentality" to power over instead of personal power. I feel my strength is in my truth and vulnerability. Sometimes I see the look of concern or surprise on my clients face when I share a lesson or experience I have gone through. I share personal information in sessions when I feel its helpful to the client, not to bring attention to me. I try to empower my clients by giving them tools they can use to heal themselves!
Strength is in being vulnerable I feel. Truth is scary but so liberating! I am stepping out of the spiritual closet in my personal, professional and musical life and it feels like freedom! I am excited about all the things I can create as I allow all parts of me to create this new way of living!
FREAK FLAG
(Song I wrote still needs music)
I’m coming out of the closet
Not the one you think
Don’t be afraid
Open your heart and mind
The truth isn’t hard to find
I’m going to let my freak flag high
Gonna fly it up high
See how you like me now
Leaving behind all I thought I was
To be the me that was hiding
To scared to show her face
You always said I was weird
So now I’m gonna prove you right!
I’m a freakish delight
Gonna shine a bright light
Show you the way
Inhibitions cast free
Here’s the real me
I don’t give a crap anymore
Must be because I’m old
I don’t want to hurt you
But I just can’t believe
All the lies I’ve been told
I’m gonna let my freak flag high
Rainbow in the sky
Stepping out of this prison
I put myself in
Gonna let my inhibitions go
You never did know
Who this girl really was
Now she is free
It’s not about sexuality
Relax your evil eye
It’s not about religion
Or the sins of man
This world is a kaleidoscope
And I am a seer
I see in living color
There’s nothing to fear!
All the paths lead home
All souls are the same color
Let your freak flag fly
Fly it up high
Unicorns, rainbows and magic
It’s the only way to be
Cast away your persecutions
And look in the mirror
Nothing is black and white
That’s artistic execution
It’s a big beautiful world
So many ways to be
Limitless possibilities
Set your mind free
Loose your cranky lies
See through the illusion
Of all that they tell you
Untruths and contusion
Let your freak flag fly
Set your spirit free
Let’s take a ride
Come along with me
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